3 Ways to Cultivate Female Friendships: Why We Need Other Women in Our Corner

We were made for friendships. For women, female friendships are particularly important. God knit us together to need one another. The author of Ecclesiastes understood this when he wrote:

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:12, NIV

Jesus called twelve men to walk with Him through His ministry. Peter, John, and James are often called His “inner circle,” men He relied on more than the others. Jesus understood the power and value of friendship.

It can be harder to make real friends as we get older. We are connected as never before thanks to social media, and yet, studies have shown we have never felt more isolated and alone.

God did not make us for 280-character interactions. Female friendships were never supposed to happen via likes and heart emojis. We were made for connection – coffee dates, phone calls, and sitting with each other. We try to force being busy or scrolling to fill a void only real friendship can.

3 Ideas for Cultivating Female Friendships

How do we make female friendships as we get older? Here are three ideas.

1. Make the first move.

We are all lonely. We want more friends. We want to talk about more than surface things. We need the chance to be real with someone. But let’s be honest, being the one to “go first” is hard. The fact that the women around us are just as taxed and in need of a real conversation as us should disarm our fears.

Simply ask someone if they want to get coffee, come over for a playdate, or sit together at your children’s basketball game. Then be intentional and ask real questions. Maybe come up with some questions beforehand.

If you are at an event and see another woman standing by herself, go say hi and help them feel welcome. We wait for other people to move toward us when we should be doing what we want others to do.

2. Follow up and reach out.

Text your friend a few days later and see how she is. Set another time to meet. If you want, see if you can set up a time to get together regularly. Too often we casually throw out “We should get together” or “Let’s do this again sometime” and then let it go. Don’t. Set another hang-out time before you leave. Make a note on your calendar to follow up.

People are busy. Things do not happen without intentionality. It’s okay to put a reminder on your phone to text someone to follow up.

3. Cultivate community.

How many of us have heard people say, “Oh, we should do X or Y” but then nothing gets done? People want to be invited but are overwhelmed or fear going first. If you want female friendships, you’re going to have to do some of the legwork.

Organize a book club or a Bible study, coordinate a running group, or set up a weekly gab session at someone’s house. Be willing to get the ball rolling, then ask others to help. Rotate where you meet so it is not on one person to clean their house all the time. Set up the next meeting before you all leave. Do it at the most convenient time for everyone.

It takes someone willing to organize people in the beginning, but that is how female friendships grow. Be willing to organize other women around something you all enjoy or are curious about, and soon it will become ingrained into your lives.

If you need someone with whom you can talk, a counselor can be a great resource for you. Your counselor can help come up with a plan, identify women to whom you can reach out, or give you a listening ear during a lonely time. Call our office today to arrange an appointment with a counselor at Pasadena Christian Counseling in California.