Understanding Emotional Neglect

When a child first enters the world, their early interactions with the people taking care of them are important. These interactions serve to communicate that they are loved, cherished, and valued. This for a child brings a sense of belonging and security. Their developmental abilities depend on these first interactions. Emotional neglect hinders these processes.

However, if a child is met with a cold, unloving, and unresponsive world, their well-being is put at risk. Emotional neglect is one such situation. When we say a child is suffering from emotional neglect, we mean that the relationship they have with their parent or caregiver is such that their emotional needs are neglected, ignored, and sometimes invalidated.

Emotional neglect can happen intentionally and unintentionally, nonetheless, the effects can be both devastating and lifelong if not attended to. Even though we are talking about a parent-to-child relationship, it is important to note that emotional neglect can also be experienced in other relationships, like friendships and romantic relationships.

Caregivers or those we are in relationships with can cause us to feel emotionally neglected for several reasons. No matter what the underlying causes are, people or caregivers who exhibit the following behaviors run the risk of making their loved ones feel emotionally neglected:

• They are dismissive of emotions, sometimes ridiculing or minimizing the other person’s feelings.
• They are cold and unwelcoming. It is hard to enjoy spontaneous play or interactions with them.
• They sometimes give silent treatment, not talking or interacting with their loved one. This breaks down any hope for connection.
• They are not interested in the other’s life, activities, hobbies, or interests.
• When they do speak, it’s rare to give praise or acknowledgment. They find fault easily and focus on those faults more than anything else the other person does.
• They may suffer from mental health issues or substance abuse issues which render them incapable of being affectionate or involved in the lives of their loved ones, no matter how much they would want to.
• They can be unduly rigid in terms of rules and punishment. They can use verbally aggressive discipline or have angry outbursts if they feel they have not been listened to.
• They may view their child or loved one as a burden.
• They withhold affection as a form of punishment, they struggle to love unconditionally.
• They too would have been brought up in emotionally neglectful families and do not know any different when it comes to love and connection.

Effects of emotional neglect in adulthood.

Inability to identify and express emotions.

Because their feelings and emotions were disregarded, people who have suffered emotional neglect find it difficult to validate their own emotions, let alone express them. Experience has left them feeling unsafe to talk about their needs and feelings.

Relationship difficulties.

Relationship difficulties for those who went through emotional neglect can come because of failing to attach to their caregiver and hence failing to have healthy attachment in adult relationships. They either have avoidant or anxious attachment styles.

Codependency.

Suffering emotional neglect can leave someone unable to have emotional boundaries. This lack of boundaries can lead to codependent relationships. They are so eager to please that they do not know when and how to say no.

Self-Neglect.

Because they feel neglected, sometimes people who have experienced or are experiencing emotional neglect will neglect taking care of their health, hygiene, or appearances, they seem not to care anymore.

Failure to thrive.

For us to live a successful and meaningful life we need others cheering us on, seeing our needs, and providing for them. Without those, people who have suffered emotional neglect might not have the ability to thrive. Feelings of emptiness fueled by a lack of care and affection can hamper the motivation and discipline needed to thrive.

Low Self-Esteem.

Low self-esteem can come from the fact that those who have been emotionally neglected feel that they are fundamentally flawed. They feel unworthy of love and attention which can be debilitating.

Mental Health Issues.

The lack of emotional support can lead to the development of certain mental health issues. Mood disorders like depression and anxiety can be because of emotional neglect.

Addiction.

Sometimes addiction and or substance abuse develops because individuals are trying to cope with the difficult feelings that come because of emotional neglect.

Contact us for help.

We all need a helping hand from time to time. Though people who have gone through emotional neglect might find it difficult to reach out for help, we want to encourage you to take the first brave step by contacting our offices.

It’s been a hard journey and we would not want you to continue walking alone. We have trained counselors and Therapists who can offer you support and the necessary tools you will need to heal and thrive.