Dating Advice for Men: 5 Practical Tips

Relationships between people can be the most complex, enriching, life-giving, and challenging thing in the world. Human beings are themselves complex, coming from and living out different values, worldviews, and personalities. When you mix in the romantic element to relationships, that adds another layer to things. This article offers practical dating advice for men who are seeking to build a relationship with a potential spouse.

Dating in the 21^st century is a quite different animal than it was a century or even a decade ago. So much has shifted in our culture, both inside and outside the church. As we’re not all reading the same manuals or books on dating, people enter the dating scene on vastly different pages – from expectations to fears, there are many assumptions we can carry into any given scenario.

These can hinder or help us on the dating journey, making it especially important to get practical, versatile, and meaningful dating advice for men.

Where to begin?

Sometimes, romantic relationships are reified and treated as though they were no different than other relationships. Sure, romance and sexual chemistry bring new and often exciting dimensions to any relationship, but at heart, it’s still a relationship between two human beings. The basics that apply in other relationships apply here as well.

Each situation will be unique, so there’s no way a single article can cover every eventuality. Consider what follows as very broad guidelines that are aimed at shaping the type of person you are when you date, and not necessarily what you should do in any circumstances you may encounter while dating.

As such, there is probably no better place to begin than with the command to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This “Golden Rule” from Jesus is a relational touchstone that challenges us in several important ways. It firstly reminds us that we need to care for ourselves and be in tune with where we are physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We need to take the time to nurture ourselves and develop as people. Self-care routines such as praying and communing with others, eating well, exercising, sleeping well, and grooming are generally good pieces of advice for daily living, but also great when it comes to dating as well.

Secondly, it reminds us that our own complexity will likely be mirrored in others. I’ll expand on this more a bit later, but it is important to recognize the humanity in others as much as we recognize it in ourselves.

Just as we would like to be treated with dignity and respect, we should assume that others do as well. The Golden Rule draws us toward being empathetic people. In any relationship, being able to step into the shoes of the other person is a key ingredient to meaningful connection. The other pieces of dating advice for men that follow in one way or another all flow from and are grounded in the basic but important call to love others.

Dating Advice for Men: 5 Practical Tips

1. Be available

If you want to start dating, it makes sense that you need to make time for it and stand able to do it. Bringing another person into your ambit means carving time out for them – for talking, texting, eating together, hanging out, and so on. Investing in a relationship is an investment of you, your emotions, your resources, and your time.

Besides making the time for it, you also need to be legitimately able to date. In other words, this article is assuming you aren’t already married or another entanglement and simply looking to play the field.

Being available also means being open to God’s surprises. You may have signed up on a dating app or online, but an unexpected opportunity may come up at the grocery store or at church to step up, meet, and connect with someone.

It may be someone totally new, or someone you never “thought about like that.” Or you may be surprised by a godly single mom when you weren’t even looking for her. Pray, but keep your eyes open; you never know who God may bring across your path!

2. Be honest.

Keeping it real is the foundation of a meaningful relationship. Dating has often been about posturing and putting the best foot forward to secure future dates and a relationship commitment. With the advent of online dating, there are more opportunities available for meeting people further afield than your town or city.

Added to that is also the opportunity to be deceptive and market yourself dishonestly. There is something of a difference between putting forward your best points and manufacturing or exaggerating things. Remember, eventually, the truth will come out, and you want to have a relationship built on trust.

Another dimension of honesty has to do with what to do if you lose interest or realize that you don’t have a future with the person you’re dating. Rather than disappearing and going silent, be upfront and say that you think things should come to an end. Don’t ghost her and leave her wondering what’s going on.

3. Be clear with your intentions

Honesty must also be accompanied by clarity in your communication. While it is an ideal, knowing what you want is important before embarking on the dating journey. If you know you don’t ever want to get married, or not just yet, it may be wise for you to ask yourself why you want to be dating in the first place. Depending on the person, some women wouldn’t date you if the possibility of something deeper and more committed isn’t coming soon.

Being clear about what you want helps you and your date know what you’re both getting into. Something as simple as “I want to grab a coffee with you to get to know you better” isn’t a marriage proposal, but it does signal your interest. If she doesn’t want to know or be known by you, she can say “No”.

The thinking behind this call to clear communication is to not waste time or bring about unwanted hurt with mismatched intentions. Dating can be fraught with many ups and downs. A great date this week might not translate into another date with the same person next week. Having reasonable expectations and clear communication can help save you and your date disappointment.

4. Be sincere and consistent

Human relationships are complicated enough without the games we play with one another. The power games. The games to discern interest. The games to intensify desire.

In saying this, it’s unwise to approach someone you’re interested in and simply blurt out, “I want you to be the mother of my children.” That’s a bit much to put on someone’s plate all at once and can come off all wrong.

If you’re interested, say you’re interested, and act interested. Act consistently with how you feel. Take measured and deliberate steps towards getting to know the other person. Guys often have a lot of rules they follow (like not calling or texting too soon) to come off as calm, cool, and collected (and not desperate). The thinking behind this is understandable, but it can unnecessarily muddle clear communication and intentions.

5. Be proactive

Being proactive means taking the initiative to ask someone out, to pursue them with their consent, and taking “no” for an answer and moving on accordingly without acrimony.

Taking initiative is not a call to be a macho, aggressive, or overbearing individual. Here, we must address the elephant in the room head-on. In the wake of the #MeToo movement which aptly called out unhealthy and dangerous behavior in men, one unintended and at times exaggerated consequence has been the idea among men that they need to be passive.

The key thing to remember (and this is basic and shouldn’t need to be said, but…) is that women are human beings made in God’s image with their own minds, ideas, desires, and so on. Every person has physical and emotional boundaries that need to be respected.

Seeing the humanity and image of God in others should lead to honoring them and their wishes. The aim is growing toward empathy and preventing further harm, rather than simply avoiding accusation. The main lesson behind the movement was for people to understand what meaningful consent looks like.

Being proactive also involves taking steps to protect one another’s integrity. Loving your neighbor as yourself includes ensuring that you don’t compromise one another sexually or emotionally by crossing boundaries. Often, in the heat of the moment there is little time for thought, and so being clear with boundaries beforehand will help you both maintain your integrity.

Conclusion

Relationships are a beautiful, complicated reality of our daily lives. Dating adds an overlay of romantic entanglement that brings new dimensions to life. Using principles that would be applicable in other relationships that define us will help us navigate this area of life with wisdom, grace, and love – the very foundations of meaningful human interaction.