Kate Motaung, Christian Counseling Pasadena

Common Signs of Emotional Affairs

Common Signs of Emotional Affairs

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:19:01+00:00July 31st, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs|

When two people get together and commit to a relationship, they create certain boundary markers around their relationship. These boundaries often include physical and emotional intimacy, which the couple pledges exclusively to one another. While affairs involving sex are clearly more problematic and the cause of a substantial proportion of divorces, emotional intimacy for some people just doesn’t seem as serious or important. However, emotional intimacy is part of the package when you’re in a committed relationship such as a marriage, and to become emotionally involved with someone other than your spouse violates trust and your exclusive relationship. While it has typically been supposed that when men cheat it primarily for sex and when women cheat there’s usually a desire for emotional intimacy involved, these ‘classic’ roles or understanding of why people cheat have shifted. People cheat for any number of reasons, and among them is the desire for emotional connection with others. Different people enter emotional affairs for varied reasons and in diverse ways. An emotional affair can take place in a variety of contexts and relate to different people – at work, at church, with a neighbor, a friend, or online. It can be conducted via text, video chat, in person, or on any other platform. When a person invests emotional energy into someone with whom they’re not in a relationship, and to the detriment of their marriage or other committed relationship, that’s the basic substance of an emotional affair. In the affair, one might receive emotional support and companionship from the person they are investing emotional energy in, forming a bond between the two. Emotional affairs are intimate and provocative even if they aren’t physically sexual. They don’t happen overnight but may develop gradually during a marriage. It may begin with one spouse not feeling appreciated, [...]

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Understanding the Different Stages of Grief

Understanding the Different Stages of Grief

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:19:07+00:00June 2nd, 2021|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

“In this world, you will have trouble.” These words of Jesus ring true and line up with our life experiences. In no place do those words resonate more than when we encounter and experience loss and grief in our lives. Those losses occur in different ways, and we feel and deal with them each in our own way. The loss of a loved one is an experience that shakes the foundations of our world. What was once “the way life is” is irrevocably changed either in an instant or through the slow months as our loved one’s illness progresses and their health deteriorates. It is natural in this situation of loss and grief to ask questions, to cry, to be angry, to feel numb, or to feel a jumble of emotions in a flurry of thoughts. Grieving comes to all of us at one time or another on our sojourn in this world. Indeed, in this world, we do have trouble. Though all of us will grieve at some point in our lives, that will look different for everyone. Grief is a complex process in which at times you may not fully understand what you are feeling, or you may struggle trying to make sense of your own thoughts as you try to put the pieces of your life back together again after your loss. The emotional, mental, and spiritual burden that comes with grief can be difficult to bear. While everyone grieves and works through loss in their own way, there are general stages of grief that most people go through, though they won’t all go through them in the same order or in the same way. One way to delineate these stages or phases of grief comes from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Though not rules, they are a way [...]

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How is Adult ADHD Recognized?

How is Adult ADHD Recognized?

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:19:16+00:00March 29th, 2021|Featured, Individual Counseling|

Have you heard of adult ADHD? You might think of it in relation to children. If you have it, you might not realize that the way you’re used to living isn’t just the way things have to be, and you struggle for a valid reason. Living every day struggling with memory, concentration, and brain fog can make you feel scattered, overwhelmed, and exhausted. You might feel guilty for having trouble completing tasks or underperforming at work. You might not understand why you can’t “get your life together.” Treatment for adult ADHD can help you: Identify the root cause of your symptoms, Consider whether you might have an ADHD diagnosis, And reach your potential even while dealing with a distracted brain. In this article, we’ll discuss the basics of ADHD in adults, how the disorder was first identified, the types of ADHD, common symptoms, related conditions, and the best forms of treatment. What is Adult ADHD? ADHD is widely known in popular culture; millions of children have been diagnosed with it. The number was around 9% in 2016, while around 4% of adults have been diagnosed. It’s slightly more common in men than women. ADHD can be shorthand for not being able to focus, but it’s more complex than that. It is a mental health disorder. The Mayo Clinic describes it as including “a combination of persistent problems, such as difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior.” The letters ADHD stand for “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.” ADHD diagnosis refers to an array of characteristics that make it difficult for an individual to achieve focus, calmness, and measured decision-making. ADHD doesn’t just cause problems with focus; it also makes it hard for a person to remember things, organize their lives, and even think clearly. Stereotypically, ADHD involves a hyperactive child who can’t focus [...]

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Help for Pornography Addiction

Help for Pornography Addiction

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:19:24+00:00February 25th, 2021|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Addiction|

Pornography is one of those things that most of us will agree on what it is when we see it. Whether it is pictures on your phone, videos on your tablet, or magazines, pornography is designed to titillate and stir sexual desires through nudity or the portrayal of people having sex. And pornography is everywhere. The ubiquity of porn comes through its ease of accessibility, affordability, and anonymity. You can find porn on the internet at the click of a button on a mobile device in your pocket, and you can do so without people knowing you’re accessing it, all for free. This makes getting porn and pornographic material the easiest it’s been in human history. Not only is easy access available, but there is just so much of it out there for consumption, and people are actively looking for it. According to some statistics for the United States, thirty-seven porn videos are created every day, 2.5 billion emails containing porn are sent or received daily, a quarter of all search queries generated are related to porn, and over 100,000 queries related to child pornography are received. While it might be tempting to think that porn usage and addiction is an isolated occurrence, it affects 5-8% of the adult population. About 200,000 Americans are classified as porn addicts. Viewing porn isn’t by any means an exclusively male preserve - about a third of porn viewers are women. The Church isn’t exempt from these realities, either. According to some statistics, 1 in 5 youth pastors and 1 in 7 senior pastors regularly use pornography – that’s around 50,000 church leaders. Over half of Christian men and around 15% of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month. Clearly, as human beings, we have collectively taken the remarkable [...]

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Feeling Angry? How to Manage Your Anger in the Moment

Feeling Angry? How to Manage Your Anger in the Moment

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:36:36+00:00January 22nd, 2021|Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issuse|

Anger is a normal human emotion. It can help alert us to the need for change in certain situations, such as where injustice has occurred, but where it is unrestrained, anger can be terribly destructive. Anger can harm us physically, as well as harm our relationships. In the moment of anger, we may feel out of control and may want to react impulsively. In this article, we'll look at methods for how to manage your anger before you say or do something that you may regret. How to Manage Your Anger When You're Feeling Angry There are a variety of ways that you can work to manage your anger in the moments when you're feeling angry. Try a variety of methods to find the ones that work best for you. Calm your body Recognize warning signs. When we are provoked, or something happens that makes us feel angry we need to recognize what is happening in our bodies. Notice your heart racing and your quick shallow breathing. Do you clench your hands into fists, or do your neck and shoulders tense up? As you observe the physical signs of anger, use that as a cue to intervene and act to calm yourself. Take slow, deep breaths to counteract your fast, shallow breathing. Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. This should help counteract the physiological reactions to anger. Relax your muscles. When you recognize the tension in your neck and shoulders or your clenched hands, this is an opportunity to focus on what you are feeling in your body and to deliberately relax your muscles, one at a time. You may want to start at the top of your body, consciously relaxing your forehead, face, jaw, and work your way down to your toes. Besides having physically relaxed the muscles in [...]

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Anxiety and Depression in Ministry

Anxiety and Depression in Ministry

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:36:43+00:00January 11th, 2021|Anxiety, Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling|

There’s something with which pastors and priests are struggling in record-high numbers. Most feel like they can’t talk about it with anyone. It’s like a big cloud of secrecy constantly hanging over them. Every week they stand in front of their parishioners with a smile on their faces, hiding this secret. Our clergy encourage, give support, and walk with us through our own struggles. While many of them are deeply struggling themselves. Anxiety and depression rates among those in ministry – both ordained and lay ministry – seem to be rising. Several studies have shown that the rates of anxiety and depression among these folks are higher than the national averages. Different studies cite different numbers, but all agree, our pastors, priests, and church staff are suffering silently with these issues. Maybe you’ve come to this article because you’re in ministry and find yourself struggling with anxiety or depression. Or perhaps you’re the spouse, a relative, or close friend of someone in church work about whom you’re concerned. Hopefully, this article will shed some light on this increasing problem and offer some tips. It contains tips for those who are concerned about their loved ones as well as anyone involved in ministry who may be dealing with anxiety or depression and is looking for help. Anxiety and Depression in Ministry Among the general population, only about 25% of those dealing with depression are believed to be seeking help or treatment. These numbers are estimated to be even lower among those who work for churches. Independent and anonymous surveys show that church staff members are dealing with depression at high rates. Anxiety may also accompany this, and church workers aren’t often getting help for either. Why is this happening? There seems to be an unwritten stigma against church workers who [...]

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Handling Codependent Behavior at Christmas

Handling Codependent Behavior at Christmas

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:36:50+00:00December 8th, 2020|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issuse|

Codependent behavior can put a damper on the holiday season, sapping the joy out of it for you. If you have problems with codependency, it’s important to manage it before your gatherings with family members, which can bring out the worst feelings in you. A caring Christian counselor can help you mindfully limit your codependent behavior tendencies so you can enjoy a happier holiday. What Is Codependency? When a person struggles with codependent behavior, it means that they are caught up in a power struggle with at least one other person. You may center your world around this person, though he or she may be difficult to deal with and give you little in return. Here are a few examples for you to consider. If you see yourself in these examples, you may be codependent. A mother makes significant sacrifices of time, money, and energy to prepare her home for her adult children’s arrival. She feels like this is her primary purpose during the holidays. One sister has a hard time standing up to her sister’s pressure to attend an annual holiday event she doesn’t really enjoy. A wife goes to great lengths to cover up her husband’s drinking problem at her family’s Christmas gathering. One father often worries about his daughter’s opinion of him. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells when she comes home for the holidays. An adult daughter feels trapped as the go-between between her alcoholic father and her angry mother. Every year, a man’s father puts him down in front of family members at Christmas. But the man sweeps the problem under the rug, though each year he experiences disrupted sleep for two weeks before and after the Christmas meetup. A father turns a blind eye to his adult son’s unwillingness to find a [...]

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How to Help Children of Divorce

How to Help Children of Divorce

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:36:57+00:00November 5th, 2020|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

With statistics showing that one in two marriages end in divorce, it can be tempting to “normalize” the event. Its frequency, however, in no way diminishes the personal effect that divorce has both on the couple and family, including the children of divorce. A divorce is a traumatic occurrence and, much like a serious head-on collision, requires a long road to healing for the victims involved. While this road will look different for every son and daughter, it’s critical to identify that the emotional trauma exists, and will play out in various ways, for years after the divorce papers have been filed. It’s also not a case of whether it will be processed; but rather how this will happen – in a tangible albeit painful way, with counseling and healthy family support, or subconsciously, in a way that will impact a child’s character development and future patterns of behavior in relationships. Broken in Two A family is a singular unit, with an action taken by one member affecting every other person in the family. A child’s well-being (emotional, spiritual) is interwoven with the integrity of their parents’ marital wellbeing – the husband and wife have been joined through holy matrimony, and while the break that happens occurs between the mom and dad in divorce; it happens within the child. While sometimes the analogy of ‘gum on a rug’ is used to describe the messy and incomplete separation caused by a broken marriage, with the children of divorce the breaking effect is internal – they will feel like they’ve been cracked in half into two things. While this emotion may not be felt or expressed explicitly, they will still respond in some way to the tension, because the separation is real. The effects are far-reaching, often more than are immediately [...]

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Christian Counseling for Eating Disorders: Facts and Treatment

Christian Counseling for Eating Disorders: Facts and Treatment

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:37:04+00:00October 26th, 2020|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Eating disorders can be very dangerous. One particular eating disorder is the deadliest form of mental illness: “Anorexia is the most lethal psychiatric disorder, carrying a sixfold increased risk of death -- four times the death risk from major depression.” (WebMD) Mortality rates are also high for other forms of eating disorders, including OSFED (Other Specified Eating or Feeding Disorder) and bulimia. There are lots of stereotypes involved with eating disorders, but the signs can manifest in a variety of ways, such as secrecy and shame. Fear of gaining weight is also a source of great distress for eating disorder patients, as is the feeling of being out of control. Eating disorders tend to go through a few stages. At the less acute or initial stages, it may be possible to treat them with the intervention of a mental health professional; once a disorder is more fully developed, an interdisciplinary treatment team will most likely be required. If you or someone you love is struggling with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, or orthorexia, it’s crucial to get help. Eating disorders can take over someone’s life and constrict their behavior so much that they feel recovery is impossible, but this is not true. Recovery is possible, and there is hope. In Christian counseling for eating disorders, your qualified therapist can work with physicians and a treatment team, as well as address less severe situations, in a faith-based and compassionate context. Treatment for Anorexia Nervosa Imagine you constantly have a voice in your head that tells you harsh, critical things about yourself, and makes you afraid to eat because you desperately fear gaining weight. Imagine this voice forces you to take miles-long walks every single day, rarely sit down, and compulsively add up every calorie you eat. Picture trying to put together [...]

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Dating Advice for Men: 5 Practical Tips

Dating Advice for Men: 5 Practical Tips

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:37:12+00:00October 20th, 2020|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issuse|

Relationships between people can be the most complex, enriching, life-giving, and challenging thing in the world. Human beings are themselves complex, coming from and living out different values, worldviews, and personalities. When you mix in the romantic element to relationships, that adds another layer to things. This article offers practical dating advice for men who are seeking to build a relationship with a potential spouse. Dating in the 21st century is a quite different animal than it was a century or even a decade ago. So much has shifted in our culture, both inside and outside the church. As we’re not all reading the same manuals or books on dating, people enter the dating scene on vastly different pages – from expectations to fears, there are many assumptions we can carry into any given scenario. These can hinder or help us on the dating journey, making it especially important to get practical, versatile, and meaningful dating advice for men. Where to begin? Sometimes, romantic relationships are reified and treated as though they were no different than other relationships. Sure, romance and sexual chemistry bring new and often exciting dimensions to any relationship, but at heart, it’s still a relationship between two human beings. The basics that apply in other relationships apply here as well. Each situation will be unique, so there’s no way a single article can cover every eventuality. Consider what follows as very broad guidelines that are aimed at shaping the type of person you are when you date, and not necessarily what you should do in any circumstances you may encounter while dating. As such, there is probably no better place to begin than with the command to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This “Golden Rule” from Jesus is a relational touchstone that challenges us in [...]

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