Christian Marriage Counseling: Getting Help Before It’s Too Late

When two people meet, fall in love, and get married, it’s a beautiful thing. Your relationship with your spouse is one of the most intimate and precious relationships there is.

The relationship holds much promise, but for the relationship to reach its full potential it requires the two partners to continue walking together as they face life’s challenges. As a life-long commitment made between two people and God, this relationship requires creativity and work if it is to last and succeed.

The reality is that every couple faces challenges. Regardless of any differences, this is one thing all married couples have in common. These challenges will vary in how difficult they are, how long they last, and what they are about. As each couple goes through these and the stress they cause, they may have the resources to weather the storm, or they may find their joy and their relationship beginning to suffer.

Emotional distance may develop between them, communication may begin to falter, or one of the spouses may react in ways that further complicate the situation. All of this is to say that while marriage is a beautiful thing, it is also fragile and needs to be cultivated to thrive.

Your marriage may be stronger than ever, or you may have hit a rough patch and are facing challenges that are undermining your marriage. These challenges may stem from:

• infidelity
• poor or unhealthy communication
• physical and emotional abuse
• emotional distance between you or your spouse
• depression
• unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse and addiction
• difficulties with in-laws
• the loss of a loved one which is proving difficult to work through
• post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other mental health concerns
• the loss of a job
• anger
• infertility or other circumstances

Seeking professional help can be effective in helping your marriage get back on track, especially if you seek it out sooner than later. Finding help is more effective than hoping your issues will simply go away on their own over time.

Do You Need Christian Marriage Counseling?

If all married couples go through their rough patches, how do you know when it’s time to get the professional help of a counselor?

Marriage counseling (also known as couple’s therapy) is helpful for a couple even when things are going well, and they simply want to gain a better understanding of one another and strengthen their marriage. However, counseling is especially needed in those situations where a breakdown in the relationship is happening.

Here are seven signs that you may need to seek marriage counseling:

1. When infidelity has occurred, or one or both spouses are contemplating it
2. When communication has turned negative, and you feel contempt or anger for one another
3. When you do not know how to resolve conflict and your differences
4. When you are staying together simply for the sake of the children
5. When one or both spouses begin acting on their negative feelings, such as constant criticism of one another
6. When it seems like the only solution is separation or divorce
7. When you are acting and living more like roommates than spouses

Whatever your current situation, you likely care about your marriage, you want it to be better and to succeed – no one sets out to see their marriage fail – and there are resources available to you and your spouse to strengthen and rebuild your marriage.

To have a firm foundation for your relationship, it may be worthwhile to consider how marriage counseling can help.

Christian marriage counseling can help you and your spouse:

• overcome challenges together
• gain insight into your relationship
• experience growth in your relationship
• recognize and resolve conflict
• develop skills in communicating openly and problem-solving
• discuss your differences without hostility

How Christian Marriage Counseling Works

Christian marriage counseling or couple’s therapy is often short-term, lasting for a few sessions to several months. Usually, both spouses are included in the process, but depending on the situation, the therapist may set on a treatment plan that focuses on one partner.

In your sessions, your marriage counselor (who is a licensed therapist with graduate or postgraduate degrees and may be credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) will help you to work on ending destructive behaviors, improve your communication and intimacy, nurture the strengths of your marriage and help you to develop a new perspective to bring flourishing to your marriage.

Christian marriage counseling offers a holistic approach to marriage counseling that uses both evidence-based counseling techniques and biblical wisdom about relationship dynamics so that everyone receives everything they need for whole-person wellness.

Finding real and lasting solutions to create a thriving relationship is possible. With techniques such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, which aims to change damaging emotional responses and promote learning to relate to one another in healthy and productive ways, your counselor will work with you using the most appropriate method that suits your unique story, needs, and goals.

If your counseling sessions show that the differences and issues in your marriage truly are irreconcilable, and you decide that it’s best to end the relationship, your counseling sessions can focus on gaining skills to end the relationship on good terms.

Getting Started with Couples Therapy

At times, taking that first step of admitting that your relationship needs help is the hardest part. The experience of marriage counseling is an insightful and empowering one for most people, and it may also be these things for you and your partner.

To get started, look for a counselor who specializes in marriage and family therapy. You can get recommendations or a referral from your primary care doctor. You can also get help from friends, loved ones, your pastor, local mental health agencies, or your health insurer who may also be able to give you some recommendations.

You may need to meet with more than one therapist to find the right fit for you and your partner. If you are both not feeling comfortable with the person, you may need to keep trying until you find the right therapist for you.

Before booking sessions, it is important to ask questions of your potential counselor or therapist, such as:

• where they are located and what their office hours are
• the length and number of sessions they expect to have with you and your spouse
• their level of education, experience with issues such as yours and their credentials
• what they charge per session and if your health insurance plan covers their services

These are all important questions to ask so that you know what to expect and can entrust yourself to your therapist and the process.

Do Not Delay Getting Help

Your marriage is a valuable and precious relationship. If you think that your relationship is in dire straits, don’t wait, ignore issues, or assume that your problems will go away by themselves over time. Find help as soon as you can. You can start looking for a professional marriage counselor as soon as warning signs appear.

Some other options that may help include marriage courses or weekend experiences that are meant to help couples realign their relationship. Budget the time and money you’ll need to make a good go at your treatment plan.

Christian marriage counseling has a unique understanding of what marriage is as a precious reflection of the relationship between Christ and his Church (Ephesians 5:32). Using biblical wisdom alongside therapies such as Emotionally Focused Therapy will help to ground your relationship in Christ.

It will help you become self-aware while developing your communication and problem-solving skills. Christian marriage counseling can be a great help for you and your spouse to strengthen your relationship as you learn to relate to each other with compassion, accountability, love, and grace.