Couples Counseling Archives - Christian Counseling Pasadena

Finding Flourishing Through Counseling for Toxic Couples

Finding Flourishing Through Counseling for Toxic Couples

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:34:13+00:00April 28th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Relationship Issuse|

Perhaps it’s just the way God made us, but life seems better shared with others, and we seem to flourish when we are emotionally and physically close to other people. However, for toxic couples to have relationships that foster flourishing takes a lot of work. That’s to be expected, as good relationships, like most things in life worth having, require significant effort to attain. The Bible tells us that human beings are deeply flawed, and we tend to function in ways that are harmful toward ourselves and others (Genesis 3; Romans 3; Jeremiah 17:9). This isn’t to say that we are monsters, but that we have certain impulses, lapse in certain ways, aren’t consistently wise, loving, and empathetic, and these traits can lead to hurt and brokenness in our relationships. In some ways, we have to be proactive and act against our nature to have the rich and meaningful relationships that God desires for us. When we don’t resist those unhealthy impulses, toxic relationships are often the result. Healthy relationships require a lot of effort, and they do face and overcome significant challenges. However, when you’re in a toxic relationship, that will require even more effort to address those toxic elements and set the relationship on the right path. What is a toxic couple? Every couple will go through their ups and downs, and they will have periods of struggle. When two sinful people get together in a romantic relationship, spend significant amounts of time together, and attempt to bring their two lives together as a cohesive whole, there are bound to be difficulties that emerge. How do you know if the struggles you’re currently facing go beyond the norm and are deeply problematic? While all relationships have areas that could stand some improvement, what defines a toxic relationship [...]

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Common Signs of Emotional Affairs

Common Signs of Emotional Affairs

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:19:01+00:00July 31st, 2021|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs|

When two people get together and commit to a relationship, they create certain boundary markers around their relationship. These boundaries often include physical and emotional intimacy, which the couple pledges exclusively to one another. While affairs involving sex are clearly more problematic and the cause of a substantial proportion of divorces, emotional intimacy for some people just doesn’t seem as serious or important. However, emotional intimacy is part of the package when you’re in a committed relationship such as a marriage, and to become emotionally involved with someone other than your spouse violates trust and your exclusive relationship. While it has typically been supposed that when men cheat it primarily for sex and when women cheat there’s usually a desire for emotional intimacy involved, these ‘classic’ roles or understanding of why people cheat have shifted. People cheat for any number of reasons, and among them is the desire for emotional connection with others. Different people enter emotional affairs for varied reasons and in diverse ways. An emotional affair can take place in a variety of contexts and relate to different people – at work, at church, with a neighbor, a friend, or online. It can be conducted via text, video chat, in person, or on any other platform. When a person invests emotional energy into someone with whom they’re not in a relationship, and to the detriment of their marriage or other committed relationship, that’s the basic substance of an emotional affair. In the affair, one might receive emotional support and companionship from the person they are investing emotional energy in, forming a bond between the two. Emotional affairs are intimate and provocative even if they aren’t physically sexual. They don’t happen overnight but may develop gradually during a marriage. It may begin with one spouse not feeling appreciated, [...]

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Handling Codependent Behavior at Christmas

Handling Codependent Behavior at Christmas

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:36:50+00:00December 8th, 2020|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issuse|

Codependent behavior can put a damper on the holiday season, sapping the joy out of it for you. If you have problems with codependency, it’s important to manage it before your gatherings with family members, which can bring out the worst feelings in you. A caring Christian counselor can help you mindfully limit your codependent behavior tendencies so you can enjoy a happier holiday. What Is Codependency? When a person struggles with codependent behavior, it means that they are caught up in a power struggle with at least one other person. You may center your world around this person, though he or she may be difficult to deal with and give you little in return. Here are a few examples for you to consider. If you see yourself in these examples, you may be codependent. A mother makes significant sacrifices of time, money, and energy to prepare her home for her adult children’s arrival. She feels like this is her primary purpose during the holidays. One sister has a hard time standing up to her sister’s pressure to attend an annual holiday event she doesn’t really enjoy. A wife goes to great lengths to cover up her husband’s drinking problem at her family’s Christmas gathering. One father often worries about his daughter’s opinion of him. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells when she comes home for the holidays. An adult daughter feels trapped as the go-between between her alcoholic father and her angry mother. Every year, a man’s father puts him down in front of family members at Christmas. But the man sweeps the problem under the rug, though each year he experiences disrupted sleep for two weeks before and after the Christmas meetup. A father turns a blind eye to his adult son’s unwillingness to find a [...]

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How to Deal with a Narcissist

How to Deal with a Narcissist

Kate Motaung2024-09-30T12:53:52+00:00August 10th, 2020|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issuse|

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one rarely diagnosed because of the nature of it. Many times, a narcissist does not recognize his or her own need for change when struggling with signs of narcissism. It is often those around them who see that their behaviors and attitudes are self-inflated at an extreme level, to the point of hurting those around them. Lasting relationships are difficult for a narcissist to maintain because when unhealthy, this person thinks the problems lie with others and not themselves. Self-awareness is at a low, and others grow weary of being close to people who do not take responsibility for their actions. This behavior can quickly become abusive, and if someone is in a relationship with a person with the following behaviors, it is important to note that she does not deserve this type of treatment. Main Behaviors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance A narcissist not only thinks they are important, they believe that they are more important than anyone else. They think that they deserve to be in the ranks with societies best and most well-known. Their inner fantasy life exacerbates this idea. It is an elevated sense of self, a “bow down and worship me” mentality. Though a narcissist would probably not admit this problem, their close friends and family never feel like they can live up to this ideal. Self-Centeredness They believe that they are always right about something. They expect others to stop what they are doing to serve them or do what they want them to do. When things go wrong, they tend to have a “woe is me” attitude, rarely seeing how a situation affects another person, too. They do not display empathy very often, and they struggle with listening. Everything tends to revolve around them, and [...]

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Christian Marriage Counseling: Getting Help Before It’s Too Late

Christian Marriage Counseling: Getting Help Before It’s Too Late

Kate Motaung2024-09-30T12:52:21+00:00June 29th, 2020|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issuse|

When two people meet, fall in love, and get married, it’s a beautiful thing. Your relationship with your spouse is one of the most intimate and precious relationships there is. The relationship holds much promise, but for the relationship to reach its full potential it requires the two partners to continue walking together as they face life’s challenges. As a life-long commitment made between two people and God, this relationship requires creativity and work if it is to last and succeed. The reality is that every couple faces challenges. Regardless of any differences, this is one thing all married couples have in common. These challenges will vary in how difficult they are, how long they last, and what they are about. As each couple goes through these and the stress they cause, they may have the resources to weather the storm, or they may find their joy and their relationship beginning to suffer. Emotional distance may develop between them, communication may begin to falter, or one of the spouses may react in ways that further complicate the situation. All of this is to say that while marriage is a beautiful thing, it is also fragile and needs to be cultivated to thrive. Your marriage may be stronger than ever, or you may have hit a rough patch and are facing challenges that are undermining your marriage. These challenges may stem from: infidelity poor or unhealthy communication physical and emotional abuse emotional distance between you or your spouse depression unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse and addiction difficulties with in-laws the loss of a loved one which is proving difficult to work through post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other mental health concerns the loss of a job anger infertility or other circumstances Seeking professional help can be effective in helping [...]

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