Family Counseling: When to Seek Help

Our family is important in shaping us into the people we become. From our families we learn how to interact with others, we learn customs, how to communicate, how we see the world around us and the people in it.

Families come in different shapes and sizes – blended, single parent, two parents, lots of kids, a few kids, just one child, and all the variations in between. Some families are outdoor types and sporty, while others are more homebound. Some homes are quiet, while others are a hive of activity with lots of comings and goings by the adults and the kids.

Practical jokes are a staple in one family, while others are more serious. For some families, fondly remembered vacation trips or warm family dinners are the norms, while for others, the word “family” conjures up painful memories of hurtful dynamics.

What is true of all of us is that our families go through seasons – some of those are of heartache and struggle. Things aren’t always perfect in families, but often family members can rally around one another to make it through the crisis.

When communication breaks down, conflict becomes more prevalent in your family, and disagreements unresolved, what do you do? What do you do when the struggle becomes too much, or when the harder seasons just seem to last too long, things just don’t seem to be getting any better and you are struggling to cope?

When trouble crops up in your family, it can start affecting other areas of life as well, including at work, school, and in other relationships and interactions with people outside the family.

Whatever your situation, your family is important to you – otherwise, you would not have looked for and found this article. We all want our family life to flourish; everyone who is part of a family wants to feel loved, heard, respected, and known by their family members. Family counseling may be exactly what your family needs.

What is family counseling?

Family counseling or therapy is a type of therapy typically provided by a licensed therapist, psychologist, or clinical social worker. It can help a family member to improve their communication and to resolve conflicts that may be disrupting family life.

The Lord wants you and your family to flourish. The good news is that a licensed family and marriage therapist can help your family to grow in understanding and empathizing with one another so that your relationships become stronger than ever as you do life together. Your current situation does not have to define your family or break it.

Family therapy will help you as you deal with issues such as:

• negative behavioral changes
• substance abuse or addiction issues
• conflicts between family members
• struggles with faith in the family
• problems in school
• transition and trauma
• children acting out
• struggles with communication
• conflict over family finances
• mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• emotional distancing within the home
• issues with extended family members
• separation or divorce
• difficulties in overcoming loss or tragedy

How does family counseling work?

Your counselor will interact with each member of the family, asking questions to come to an understanding of their perspective on where the issues started. Sessions may happen with all family members concerned in the same room or alternating between the family members.

Christian family counselors, using methods such as evidence-based psychotherapy and faith-based resources like Scripture and prayer, will work with you to develop an approach that works for you and your family’s specific needs.

The aim of the treatment plan that you and your therapist come up with is to work out the conflict, share tools for healthy communication, and build capacity for handling difficult situations in life-giving ways. Family therapy is not an opportunity to assign blame, but for working together to rebuild family bonds and improve home life.

The number of sessions you will need depends largely on the specific issues being dealt with. Sometimes ten to twelve sessions are enough to work through your concerns and chart a path forward for your family.

Types of therapy

Family counseling offers a place of support for helping you and your family grow spiritually and process your emotions, providing tools for you to form healthy relationships and create lasting change. Several types of therapy are available to achieve this goal, and they include:

• Structural therapy, which assesses how family members relate to one another, the roles, and the power dynamics within the family. This therapy seeks to empower and establish respect for each family member, and to break down dysfunctional aspects of how family members interact with each other.
• Strategic therapy, which increases awareness of the patterns of interaction and conflict by examining these.
• Transgenerational therapy, which looks at existing belief systems that may be passed on from one generation of the family to the next. This therapy seeks to break down beliefs that may be destructive or unhelpful.
• Narrative therapy, which helps each family member be aware of their positive qualities or traits, and to form personal narratives that enable them to constructively face their problems and negative influences.

The techniques that your therapist will use will depend on the specific problem your family is facing.

What are the benefits of family counseling?

A family therapist has a good understanding of how families work as a unit. Family counseling has many benefits, and these include:

• deeper empathy for one another
• better communication within the family
• better anger management skills
• reducing stress and sources of conflict
• strengthening family bonds and bringing the family together
• better understanding of boundaries, healthy family dynamics, and patterns
• growing your family’s capacity and skill to solve problems
• developing an atmosphere of honesty and trust within the family
• support for family members who may have been feeling isolated
• dealing with and reducing conflict
• helping family members to forgive one another for past hurts

Christian family counseling does all the above while helping you to find faith-based solutions so that your family develops deeper connections with God and each other. Grounding your family in godly wisdom creates a strong foundation for a healthy, happy home, and family life.

When each member of the family is strengthened and nurtured in their walk with Christ, that provides room for your family to pull in the same direction while honoring the God-given diversity of your family members.

Finding your family therapist

To find a family therapist/counselor, you can ask your friends to see if there is a therapist they recommend. If this is not a viable option, you can approach your doctor for a referral. Another option is to search online for a family therapist in your area or to contact your health insurance provider and ask them for a list of family therapists in your network.

When you find a few potential therapists, it is wise to ask them a few questions to make sure that it will be a good fit. If you are a person of faith, you may want to ask them what techniques they may use to discern whether there is alignment in terms of approaches to problem-solving.

You can ask them if they have specific training in family therapy, and if they have experience with your family’s concerns and situation. You can also ask questions about cost, and how many sessions may be needed to meet your needs.

If your family is particularly busy, you can look for an online therapist who is flexible and can accommodate you during and after business hours. Remember, the goal is for you to understand the process so that you can be invested and actively participate in resolving your family’s issues.

Your family is a great gift and blessing from God. If you are going through a tough season as a family, you can weather the storm and come out the other side in one piece. Christian family counseling may just be what you need at this time, and it is worth taking that step to find a counselor. Christian family counseling can provide your family with the tools you need to stand firm as you face life’s challenges and grow as a godly family.