Personal Development Archives - Christian Counseling Pasadena

You are Not Your Past: Overcoming Adverse Childhood Experiences

You are Not Your Past: Overcoming Adverse Childhood Experiences

By Cyndi Kay Green|2024-09-30T12:50:31+00:00April 29th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Trauma|

Many adults have experienced childhood trauma that can affect them mentally or emotionally for the rest of their lives. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) account for a big part of the mental health issues that adults face today. These ACEs typically occur when the child’s brain is developing at a high rate which causes them to be harmful and affects how the child learns. This can also affect the way a child responds to stress as they grow into adulthood. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. – Ephesians 2:10, ESV What are the most common adverse childhood experiences? Most adverse childhood experiences are traumatic and often experienced before the child reaches the age of eighteen. These events can have lasting negative effects on every aspect of the child’s health. The most common adverse childhood experiences are: Divorce/separation of parents Verbal humiliation Loss of a loved one to suicide Physical/emotional abuse Incarcerated parent Death of a parent Household of alcohol/substance abuse Abandonment or neglect Mentally ill parent Risk factors Most ACEs are not a product of happenstance. They are typically not random events. Economic status, community, culture, and family history play a big part in the likelihood of a child experiencing adverse events. Some of these risk factors include the income and education level of the family. The ability of the family members to understand and react to stress related to the home can have an adverse reaction to traumatic events. When these events affect the mind of the child it can cause the child to become predisposed to other health issues as an adult, such as cancer, depression, heart disease, and other chronic illnesses. When there are no community resources available to help the child [...]

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The Benefits of Effective Listening for Relationships

The Benefits of Effective Listening for Relationships

By Jennifer Kooshian|2024-09-30T12:59:20+00:00March 18th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issuse|

One of the many gifts that comes from being in a relationship with others is being known, understood, and loved. Our world is a big wide place, and it’s easy to feel like just another statistic, a faceless part of the crowd, another worker in the organization, or just another neighbor or citizen. In our closest relationships, our individuality is seen and appreciated, and that makes all the difference in the world. As our closest relationships are precious, it matters that they become spaces where we truly do hear others and are heard. That is why being a good listener is one of the best gifts you can ever give someone. Who doesn’t appreciate the fact that someone has truly heard them and understands their concerns? However, being a good listener is easier said than done, as we have many unhelpful habits that get in the way of effective listening. Understanding effective listening What exactly is effective listening? At its core, effective listening leaves the other person feeling like they’ve been heard, that their concerns and questions were understood, and that they’ve had an opportunity to express themselves as they intended. That’s a lot to accomplish through listening, but it is possible. When we engage in communication, whether in expressing ourselves to others or in receiving their words toward us, a lot is going on in that interaction. When you speak, you do so through your communication style, which is a combination of the words you tend to use, your tone of voice, how much eye contact you give, and the gestures you tend to employ. That communication style can be aggressive, assertive, passive, passive-aggressive, or manipulative. When it comes to listening, a lot is going on there, too. Your body posture, whether you are maintaining eye contact, whether [...]

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Building Self-Esteem in a Social Media World

Building Self-Esteem in a Social Media World

By Melissa Plantz|2024-09-30T12:50:14+00:00February 1st, 2024|Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

There is a link between self-esteem and social media. Studies have shown that rates of depression and suicidal thoughts have increased over the last several years, especially in teenagers. The teen years are a time when a child’s self-esteem is growing, and social media influences can destroy what confidence they have gained. However, building self-esteem is important not only during adolescence but also throughout adulthood. For example, a woman who has recently given birth may find herself comparing her body to the fitness models and influencers on social media, leading her to feel depressed. Men who struggle to balance family and work may see the highlights of their friends and become resentful, jealous, angry, or depressed. But not all is lost. You can still manage a social media presence without sacrificing your self-esteem. Building self-esteem: How to protect your progress Building self-esteem and protecting your progress is imperative to maintaining mental health. Social media is a tool. However, most people spend so much time scrolling through and admiring the highlights of others’ lives that it becomes easy to spiral downward. The following are tips for building and protecting your self-esteem while staying up to date on your socials. Limit social media time. You do not have to avoid social media entirely. Check your settings on your phone or in the app and note how much time you average on the platform daily, weekly, and monthly. Next, aim to limit your social media time. Maybe save your social media scrolling and notifications while you wait for dinner to finish cooking. Assign a specific time to return messages; do not feel obligated to answer people immediately. Limit your accessibility for peace of mind. Know why you want a social media account. What is the reason you want a social media account? [...]

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Goal Setting: 8 Reasons Why Goals are Important

Goal Setting: 8 Reasons Why Goals are Important

By Joanna Kucherera|2024-09-30T12:49:29+00:00January 2nd, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Most of us have dreams. We all look at life and have a picture of what we want our future to be. These dreams and wishes can only become a reality when we put in the effort that’s needed to achieve them. This is where goal setting comes into play. Goals are defined as dreams with a deadline and a plan. It is how we choose to live and prioritize our time and resources toward those things we want to achieve and be. There are different types of goals a person can have for themselves. The reason for that is as our lives become more complex, we now need to be intentional about how we allocate time toward different aspects of our lives. Below are some types of goals people can have: Social goals. Personal goals. Financial goals. Health and wellness goals. Professional goals. Academic goals. Spiritual goals. Personal development goals. Though they might not all be at the same level of priority, all these goals are important for a person’s wellness and functioning. Goal setting is important because it can help make all these aims attainable and not overwhelming. Why is goal setting important? Getting into the habit of setting goals is important for many reasons. Below are some to consider. Bringing a sense of control. Goal setting brings everything into focus. You feel empowered and in control as you plan and develop systems that can help you achieve your goals. You are not leaving everything to the universe but working as much as you can for the future you want. Encouraging discipline. When you have goals, you become more disciplined in your life choices and in how you distribute resources. You can prioritize your behavior and channel your energy where it is needed. Having timelines and deadlines [...]

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Understanding Emotional Neglect

Understanding Emotional Neglect

By Joanna Kucherera|2024-09-30T12:50:00+00:00October 31st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issuse|

When a child first enters the world, their early interactions with the people taking care of them are important. These interactions serve to communicate that they are loved, cherished, and valued. This for a child brings a sense of belonging and security. Their developmental abilities depend on these first interactions. Emotional neglect hinders these processes. However, if a child is met with a cold, unloving, and unresponsive world, their well-being is put at risk. Emotional neglect is one such situation. When we say a child is suffering from emotional neglect, we mean that the relationship they have with their parent or caregiver is such that their emotional needs are neglected, ignored, and sometimes invalidated. Emotional neglect can happen intentionally and unintentionally, nonetheless, the effects can be both devastating and lifelong if not attended to. Even though we are talking about a parent-to-child relationship, it is important to note that emotional neglect can also be experienced in other relationships, like friendships and romantic relationships. Caregivers or those we are in relationships with can cause us to feel emotionally neglected for several reasons. No matter what the underlying causes are, people or caregivers who exhibit the following behaviors run the risk of making their loved ones feel emotionally neglected: They are dismissive of emotions, sometimes ridiculing or minimizing the other person’s feelings. They are cold and unwelcoming. It is hard to enjoy spontaneous play or interactions with them. They sometimes give silent treatment, not talking or interacting with their loved one. This breaks down any hope for connection. They are not interested in the other’s life, activities, hobbies, or interests. When they do speak, it’s rare to give praise or acknowledgment. They find fault easily and focus on those faults more than anything else the other person does. They may suffer [...]

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5 Bible Truths For a Positive Body Image

5 Bible Truths For a Positive Body Image

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-30T12:57:48+00:00October 25th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

In this article, we will look at five biblical truths to remember as we try to move to a more positive body image. 5 Biblical Truths for a More Positive Body Image 1. We are made in the image of God. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27, NIV This is a spectacular truth, so try to let it sink into your heart. Pause for a moment and reflect. The amazing God of all creation has made you in His image. Not just your heart, soul, and mind, but in some way your body too. There could not be a stronger reason to have a positive body image than that. 2. Everything God has made is good. The second truth to hold on to is that God Himself considers all his creation good, including the bodies He made for us: God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. – Genesis 1:31, NIV Even after the Fall, and the brokenness of the world and our bodies that followed, Scripture doesn’t ever revoke the fact that we are made in God’s image (though this image may be tarnished) nor the fact that creation is good. 3. God’s opinion is the one that should matter most. The third truth is to choose carefully who you listen to. The Bible warns against “the fear of man” which is to let other people’s opinions have a controlling influence in our lives. God is the One we should be listening to. If He says our bodies are good, then don’t let other people convince you otherwise. Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. – Proverbs 29:25, NIV 4. God will ultimately [...]

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Can You Recognize Effective Coaching?

Can You Recognize Effective Coaching?

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-30T12:56:20+00:00August 25th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

You have heard of the idea of getting coaching for various challenges that have come up in the workplace, but how will you know the difference between effective coaching and the opposite? In this short article, we look at three tangible outcomes that may accompany effective coaching. On a personal level, the opportunity to benefit from coaching will promote an individual’s personal growth and improvement over time through self-development. From a company-wide perspective, there are several ways to structure as well as measure effective coaching. A short list of these may include promotion, performance, better coordination inside and outside teams, and higher retention rates. These are useful to measure effective coaching once the program has ended, but how can you evaluate the program while it is still in progress, and how are improvements seen in the working week? Effective coaching outcomes and indicators Better personal performance. A high-performing employee can see the broader picture, and so more easily collaborates with other team members and with those of different skill sets. The development time required for such a person is shortened through focused coaching in areas such as project planning, strategic thinking, or influencing others. To effectively examine and improve these areas the coach needs to be able to communicate their technical expertise of personality factors that influence these competencies, such as emotional intelligence, imposter syndrome, and ego. Those receiving coaching come to understand what areas they need to work on, and then how to do this while staying true to themselves so that the personal growth continues after the coaching sessions are ended. Improving team coordination and outcomes. When a leader is coached, it is not only their performance that will improve, but their team will also benefit from higher outputs. Effective coaching will facilitate a high-performing leader’s desire [...]

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Key Signs of Spiritual Growth and Maturity

Key Signs of Spiritual Growth and Maturity

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-30T12:57:40+00:00July 11th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Every living thing grows, and that’s no less true of our spiritual lives, which require spiritual growth. New life in Jesus needs to be nurtured toward maturity. One of the images Jesus uses to describe the relationship we have with God in this new life is that Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches. We are vitally connected to Him and draw our life from Him, allowing us to produce fruit in our lives (John 15:1-8). God is the gardener who prunes the vine to make it more fruitful. That fruit is “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV). How do you discern if you’re growing spiritually and are becoming more mature in the faith? There are a few ways you can tell. Signs of spiritual growth and maturity Becoming more like Jesus. The Christian life is all about becoming increasingly like Jesus. The apostle Paul said that the goal of his ministry was to “present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Colossians 1:28, NIV). Hardships and trials are part of the way our faith is tested and proved, and it’s how we develop Christian character, hope, and stability (James 1:2-5; 1 Peter 1:3-9; Romans 5:3-5). The more we become like Jesus, the more we’ll possess the same outlook He did, love people as He did, be as joyful as He was, and also encounter persecution and rejection as He did (John 15:18-27). If you find yourself having greater compassion and love for people, especially for the people who hate you, then you know you’re becoming more like Jesus. He fully lived out the ethic of blessing those who persecute you, and of loving our neighbors as we love ourselves – He died on the cross to save His enemies (Romans 5:8). [...]

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Finding Purpose After Retirement

Finding Purpose After Retirement

By Cyndi Kay Green|2024-09-30T12:49:42+00:00November 24th, 2022|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

We all know that we are aging and approaching retirement. We also know that with age comes a variety of health changes. But the aging process doesn’t have to be depressing. It is a natural process in place since the beginning of creation in the Bible. Life expectancy today is longer than it was in the 1930s, which can give us hope. When an older person believes they have a purpose in life and goals, they can have better well-being. Aging doesn’t mean you must decrease your activity. Having a purpose doesn’t stop when you turn fifty. Fearing the aging process has become less common among older adults. The belief that older adults cannot contribute to society is becoming less popular. These ageism beliefs are slowly diminishing as we see older adults pursue purpose after retirement. What is considered the natural process of aging? A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness. – Proverbs 16:31, NASB One of the most common signs of aging is gray hair. We begin to fret when we noticed the first gray hair sticking out. We also notice it’s a little harder to lose weight and our sleep patterns have changed. As we age, these become things we accept but don’t need to fear. Aging doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t happen with a big fanfare. It is a quiet process that each of us gradually experiences. So teach us to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12, NASB Aging is not a disease; it is the process of our bodies growing older. It is this process that can cause chronic diseases and other health issues. Some of these issues can reduce your quality of life. Understanding [...]

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Feeling Angry? How to Manage Your Anger in the Moment

Feeling Angry? How to Manage Your Anger in the Moment

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-30T12:54:18+00:00January 22nd, 2021|Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issuse|

Anger is a normal human emotion. It can help alert us to the need for change in certain situations, such as where injustice has occurred, but where it is unrestrained, anger can be terribly destructive. Anger can harm us physically, as well as harm our relationships. In the moment of anger, we may feel out of control and may want to react impulsively. In this article, we'll look at methods for how to manage your anger before you say or do something that you may regret. How to Manage Your Anger When You're Feeling Angry There are a variety of ways that you can work to manage your anger in the moments when you're feeling angry. Try a variety of methods to find the ones that work best for you. Calm your body Recognize warning signs. When we are provoked, or something happens that makes us feel angry we need to recognize what is happening in our bodies. Notice your heart racing and your quick shallow breathing. Do you clench your hands into fists, or do your neck and shoulders tense up? As you observe the physical signs of anger, use that as a cue to intervene and act to calm yourself. Take slow, deep breaths to counteract your fast, shallow breathing. Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. This should help counteract the physiological reactions to anger. Relax your muscles. When you recognize the tension in your neck and shoulders or your clenched hands, this is an opportunity to focus on what you are feeling in your body and to deliberately relax your muscles, one at a time. You may want to start at the top of your body, consciously relaxing your forehead, face, jaw, and work your way down to your toes. Besides having physically relaxed the muscles in [...]

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